Breakup, pt. 3

It'll be a month in two days. It feels like much longer. At times, I'm feeling abandoned. This was something we were in together and she gave up on it. It doesn't help to imagine her being happy; I have the impression, rightly or wrongly, that she doesn't think about me except when I insert myself into her day, and then she feels bad. She doesn't seem to have any overflowing feeling that she feels the need to share with me. That makes me feel insignificant and spiteful, and so I'm barely talking to her. And thus the connection that we promised each other we'd keep intact dwindles.

I'm grappling with the sense of a lack of meaning. I keep thinking about how if I can't share things with her, then what are they? And I have no one of her status to share things with; there is something perhaps about sharing things with a person that is your intimate that is different. They are intimately concerned with your successes and struggles, because they are attached to you, and by extension, them. I miss all the things I was able to be to her, when I was able to help, and not just let her down like I did so often. I very much feel like she is a difficult person, and now I wonder if I will have trouble feeling like something is real if it isn't as much of a challenge as she was.